Santa Claus...

Yesterday the entire family went to Bridge Street to buy an iPad and finish up some Christmas shopping. Kinleigh had been to the doctor that morning and was diagnosed with a double ear infection. That girl is a trooper! She had been sick for over a week yet...no fever...no pulling on her ear... And here she is with an infection.
The entire family is so excited for Santa to visit us this year. I think it's the first year that Caleb totally gets who he is and what Santa does! Much to our surprise Santa was walking around bridge street and stopping periodically to speak to kids and pose for pictures. He was dressed just like Father Christmas and even I was speechless when I saw him. We ran out of a store to see him and get a chance to speak with him. Caleb was pushing me to go first and making some very excited noises....but when we finally get to him, Caleb totally lost his nerve. Daddy picked him up and he just stared at him, not wanting to get any closer. Kinleigh just took off and made a beeline straight for Mr Claus. He was sitting on a bench, talking to another child, and I had to pull her away from him. Finally after waiting, it was our turn to see him and she was so excited. I placed her on his lap and all of a sudden, her little mouth turned into a frown and she started to cry! Santa told her that he would bring her a dolly and that he was so happy to see her! As we walked away, her eyes never left him and she stared at him until I let her walk. Caleb kept saying that he saw Santa. We shopped some more. As fate would have it, as we were leaving, Santa somehow ended up walking right beside us. I guess he never forget Caleb, and knew that they needed to talk. Caleb was on his daddy's shoulders and looked down at Mr Claus. "Well hello there little guy, what would you like for Christmas?" With a big frown and the bravest face I have ever seen, Caleb looked him in the eye and said "Santa, I want a police car please." "Well, I'll get you a police car and a couple of other surprises, but you have to make sure to be a good boy ok?" Still trying so hard to hold back the tears Caleb replied "ok"! I've never been so proud of him in my life. And afterwards, he just couldn't have been more excited. The Christmas spirit has definitely hit the lucas house those season. Believe. Wonder. Faith. All envelope this season and make it so incredibly beautiful. Too see everything in your children's eyes, well, it's like being a child yourself. You just seem together swept up in the magic and wonder of the jolly old elf himself! Caleb keeps asking me what I want for Christmas, I tell him I want a kiss from his daddy. As serious as he can, with his eyes as wide as can be, "mama, you have to tell Santa. You have to tell him." I love that little boy so much and am so proud of the man he is going to become.

The heavy heart

I'm sitting in a small Italian cafe, millions of miles away from my children. I just got pictures of them sent to me, and the smiles on their faces fill my heart with an unexplainable joy. I came on this trip to spend some time with Jason, to have some fun with my husband. One thing has become blaringly clear to me. My life is so different than it was three years ago. I never imagined how much being a mom would affect my life, my personality, and my soul. It's changed me. I feel like I've always been a dreamer of sorts, I've run for political office, loved poetry, and have always enjoyed losing myself in a good book. Somewhere along the way, I made a totally unconscious decision to try not to care so much about everything. I feel so much love for my children that the thought of our world changing in a bad way, leaves me just gutted and empty and aching. I stopped listening to the news, stopped talking politics, and I even almost stopped voting. It had become easier to just block those things out of my life, than to face them and open my heart to so much hurt. I've always cared so much about everything. Two days ago the Republican Party failed at a second attempt to win the White House. In my heart I predicted that this would happen. I should feel consoled and at ease that this is part of Gods plan, because I know he is in control of everything. But that is easier said than done, because these changes are drastic and what I feel to be devastating for our country. I realized this trip, that by trying to protect myself I've actually done the opposite. I've taken away my passion for my values and I have somewhere lost even the ability to have an adult conversation about anything that truly matters.
Life is so hard, and I don't even have it hard...I'm so very blessed in every aspect of my life. Love and happiness also can bring pain, and maybe I just need to stop trying to protect everyone from hurt. Maybe I just need to let go and love...and not think about mistakes.
To top it all off, I feel this stirring inside me. Like I am on the brink of making life changing choices, and I am so afraid that I might regret my choice or make the wrong one. I pray for guidance, but sometimes I don't want to pray for fear that his answer is not the one I want to hear. My life is so wonderful. I love the children at this age. I look back on these last three years and know I will remember them as some of the best years of my life. I don't want them to end. My heart feels so heavy just thinking about the kids growing up. Why? Deep down I don't want to lose them. I don't want them to leave me, I don't want them to grow away from me. I can still feel them kicking me in my belly, I can still see their very first smile, their very first steps, and I love them so much. I never knew being a mom and loving someone so much could be so very hard. And they aren't even three yet...

Orange beach

Wonderful fantastic amazing daddy surprised us with a last minute trip to orange beach. We got one days notice to pack up for four days, just the four of us. At publix Caleb told the entire store that we were going to the beach, let the jealousy eat them up! Last time we were here, Caleb was scared of the ocean, didn't like the sand...this time he can't get enough of it. Doesn't sleep because he wants to get back on the beach. Kinleigh is enjoying herself too, prancing around in Her swimsuit and making friends with the world. Speaking of friends, someone else is making tons of them...daddy! I've decided that there is a brotherhood in being a father. Moms love the vacation, we truly love the happiness it brings everyone. But let's face it, it's not a total space out relaxing time. Our duties are much the same but with some slightly stressful additions. All sleeping in one room, schedule adjustments, and just getting everyone to behave in public...those are some minor issues. Dads enjoy every second no matter what, generally. And they give kudos to each other. I keep asking Jason where the wives are, and today it dawned on me. As I sit her on the beach enjoying naptime, I see a lot of the women! When the men are out, a lot of the women are taking advantage and shopping or...napping! :). It's good time for dads to be one on one with the kiddos. It reminds me of these daddy clubs, men just bond over being a dad. Women should take a hint and follow suit in fellowship! Rather than survival of the fittest alone, lets go it together. So what if your son is a screamer, so what if your daughter throws everything off the table, mine does it too. Might as well make a big fun scene together. Who cares. It's vacation. We should all have fun and leave all of the worries behind.

Kinleigh is one!

It's been a whole year since our little girl first entered the world. The sweetness of that memory will always be with me. How she just gave me a run for my money during the pregnancy, and how she couldn't wait to see us...only taking two pushes before she was with us!
This year has been one o the hardest and happiest years of my life. Having two kids under two was definitely challenging at times, but I couldn't have asked for better kids. They are such troupers! I'm learning this mom thing every day, and they are learning with me. Kinleigh is such an amazing spirit. She is such a girlie girl, loving her pretty dresses and hairbows...yet she can get tough with her big brother. She's just an easy girl, loves to shop, loves to smile. Looking back I think Kinleigh has colic as a baby, because one day something clicked, the crying stopped and our beautiful baby girls personality just popped out.
We had the house decorated in tulle and everything pink! We had signs in the front yard, a bow on the mailbox and a homemade banner on the fireplace. Kinleigh was dressed in a onesie...it had a cupcake on it with a single candle and her name. She was supposed to wear the most darling tutu, but it was a tad too big. We had it on her and she just loved it. I'll never forget how she touched it and giggled while everyone took her picture. She just loved to be the center of attention! I made a ham and everyone brought sides. The highlight of the afternoon was the bouncy house we borrowed from a friend! Kinleigh lived going down the slide! She ate her cake like a true lady! She wasn't afraid to get dirty, but when she had enough she just stopped eating. For her birthday Kinleigh got her first vacuum, kitchen, purse, vanity, and apron! Everything a little lady needs! She also got some bling!! Her ears were pierced, and her Oma got her a beautiful ID bracelet!
She has an awesome day surrounded by family that loves her. I can't believe she is one. I can't believe we have been blessed with her for a year, it has just gone by so fast. The older she gets the closer we are. She's my little girl, it's just that simple. I think she is the most beautiful sweetheart that I have ever seen. She's daring, she loves to try new things and her smile will make anyone just fall in love.

Caleb's First Day at School

To say that I am proud of Caleb, well, it would be the understatement of the century. I've never met a little boy quite like him and I love every inch of him. Caleb has Ms.Terry at Twickenham Kids. He goes Monday and Wednesday mornings. His first day was today, August 22! The day started with a bath and breakfast. He got dressed while wearing his new school shoes and he just grinned from ear to ear. I told him how very handsome he looked, so cute in a light blue shirt with plaid shorts! We had already been to his school for orientation and to meet his teacher. There was one special toy that made quite the impression on him! His favorite toy at school is the school bus bus! That's exactly how he says it, and today he shared the bus with a friend. Its all he could talk about, how excited he was to see the bus! When we pulled up Caleb saw the playground and said, "Mama, that is the biggest slide Caleb has ever seen"! He was so excited that the mood was catching! We took his picture with his backpack and Thomas the Tank Engine lunchbox in front of the school! Kinleigh was a trooper! Although she cried when we walked in the school, she wanted to get down and play in his classroom! The second we walked in the classroom door Caleb was excited. "Mama look at this", he said it over and over as he pointed to new toys hidden on tables and cubby holes! I spoke with his teacher and snuck out the door. I never saw a tear, never heard a whimper. School was just happiness and he was filled with such an awesome excitement. As I drove out of the parking lot, his little car seat sat there empty. It dawned on me that this was the first time I was leaving him with a stranger, that his chair was empty and that the car was so quiet. We drove without hearing his train whistle imitation or his excited talk about seeing something cool out the window. This would be the first time of many that we would be apart...this was the beginning of his independence. The thought broke my heart and tears began to well up in my eyes.
Kinleigh and I picked Caleb up at 12:45. As I pulled up, Caleb's class was in the playground. Caleb was sitting on a bench with Ms Terry, he was hugging her and I couldn't help but feel happy that she was there for him. I knew he had missed me, he had so much fun, but he missed me as much as I missed him. He saw the car and started crying, we hurried over and gave him a hug! On the way out, he just had to show me the water fountain, and how he could drink from it. And as we opened the doors to go to the car he told me, "Mama, I really really missed you".
And that made me one of the happiest mamas on the planet.

Mama, that's not my favorite

There are certain things about two year old Caleb I will always remember.  A certain way he holds his eyes when he is thinking, the certain fact that he loves to walk on his toes, and the certainty in his voice when he just has to tell you something.  He has the face of an angel and the heart of a saint.  Caleb has a spirit about him, he is rambuncious and has more energy than any child I have ever met.  Caleb is such an amazing boy to me.  He is as swart as a whip and loves to learn, so much so that he can barely walk up the stairs...because he is thinking of so many other things.  His eyes catch everything, and his curiosity always wins him over.

My, what big eyes you have...

Kinleigh is my one of a kind little princess. At least I like to think she is one of a kind, when my husband will tell you that she is just like her mother! That statement sounds negative, but it isn't. I truly see her as my little jewel, so beautiful...so curious...such a little diva! And as we all are harshest on ourselves, i sometimes forget that those could be some of my traits as well! Most will compliment her on her amazing eyes, huge and a grayish green. I wonder often what color they will be...if they will stay this color or turn into a brown like the rest of us. She is into anything she can get her hands on! All cabinets get opened, all textures get touched, and she cannot help but notice even the slightest or smallest object in her reach. Nothing is safe from her examination. She is so different from her brother in that way that I cannot help but be mesmerized watching her! Caleb is into action...running, jumping, making things go. Kinleigh watches first and she sees all!
I can see her watch leaves sway in the wind, a bird in a tree, and her eyes are always watching her brother. She can't get enough of him, and she loves to be near him. Recently I've realized that she doesn't care what kind of attention she gets from him, a push or a kiss, they all mean everything to her. She loves and adores her brother so much. Caleb is so good at playing with her, although he has little patience for a train track mishap or an obvious train kidnapping! Caleb asks her to follow him, shares his juice with her, and will even give her a kiss...just when he feels like it. He will sing a song he's made up and he says, "Kingey diaper, Kingey diaper, I love you, I love you". She doesn't understand totally but just grins at the sound of her name. Already they are fast friends, and they miss each other when one is away. I hope that always remains! They are partners in crime and best buds for life.

It's Been Years...

What a wonder life is...it happens when we aren't looking.  Life swirls around us, consumes us, and it isn't until we feel change that we even realize it.  It's been years since I have even thought about this blog.  I never thought I had much to say, I never knew what to write.  Everything I thought I should type seemed as though it wasn't good enough to blog about.  It seemed that my experience was just like every other stay at home mom in America.  But it isn't, is it?  We all have our own stories, our own memories, our own special spot that is unique to ourselves. And some of us are blessed with the most breathtaking children, that even when they are just plain aweful...they make each second of this life so very special. 
Kinleigh will turn 1 in a month.  I just turned 33 two days ago.  My son will turn three in January.  Maybe these events have motivated me to start writing again.  I'm realizing how quickly life goes by, how each of these moments with my children are so precious.  I need to remember them.  I need to tell my children about them.  That is what makes this blog worth writing.  Even though your experiences may be similar, they won't be the same, they won't be mine.  Life goes on with every second that ticks by, with every breath that we take.  History will not be remembered unless it is written. 
Tomorrow will be the true beginning of my blog.  I'm so excited to write down everything I'm feeling and every cute little detail of my life.  I promise those details will include the munchkins....and my wonderful husband  Until tomorrow...